What shouldn't be left unsaid
by Nankatsu
Summary: A phone call. A simple phone call on an average day sometimes is all it takes to leave you standing naked in front of yourself.


_**What shouldn't be left unsaid**_

A phone call. A simple phone call on an average day sometimes is all it takes to leave you standing naked in front of yourself. And it comes without warning: no dark clouds in the sky, no stressful situations, no unexplainable bad feelings or deja vu. It's a day like every other. A day that wouldn't get told in a soap opera, movie or even a tv show as platitudinous as it is. Except, the phone rings and that's enough.  
Sarah smiles brightly upon seeing her mother's picture on the small device.  
"Hi, mom!" She's multitasking, of course, typing on her laptop and struggling to hold the phone between her shoulder and head. So she puts it on speaker, like she always does.  
"Hey, dear.. How's your day been?" It's casual, her mother's tone is light, like always.  
"Oh, nothing extraordinary. Went running with Chuck, whom I might add is finally able to complete the course.. And well, you know. Just finished cooking dinner. No other obligations tonight or this week. Things are quiet.. And you? How are you? If feels like we haven't talked in ages!". Sarah loves cheap chatting with her mom. One of the very few people she can actually open up to and just be herself.  
"Good.. good. Glad to her about Chuck.. He seems nice from what you keep telling me.." Pause. "Sarah, there's something I need to tell you."  
Hadn't the phone been on her desk, she would've dropped it. The laptop is now forgotten and she's sure.. Sarah Walker, one of CIA finest, is sure she hasn't cried like this since her father went to jail. And quite honestly, even then the emotions she felt weren't as raw and deep as now. She sobs and doesn't stop for hours. Breathing comes hard and it feels like a knife ripped through her chest. But that's happened before and it falls short in comparison to the pain she's starting to get acquainted with.  
The next morning she skips work. "Surely the neighborhood can go without fro-yo for a day or two", she thinks. Chuck Bartowski however? No, Chuck longs, aches even, for the minute he cross the street towards that place, towards her. Thus, when he seeks and doesn't find her in an instant he's vanished to her apartment. He's not certain what to expect. "Perhaps she's gotten sick, or broken a leg.. Car trouble? Please, Chuck, Porsche drivers do not have car troubles.", his mind's on a roll, worrying like a lover would.  
Chuck takes small steps and each slower in the direction of that green door. Knowing Sarah, like he's positive he does, whatever has occurred probably has left her desiring to be unattended. He doesn't want to intrude. "If she wanted to talk or needed me for anything she'd call me. Right? I should have called her myself.. Such a genius.." Like this he considers leaving, yet he does truly know her. Were things really bad, she'd close herself in her little shell until she could come out pretending she was fine, like always. With regained confidence, he takes the final step and knocks.  
"Oh, Sarah, hi! I.." She crashes on him, hugging him tightly, and for a second day in a row finds herself bursting into tears defying poets to accurately define her current state. Other than now, she's not alone. Neither really knows how much time passes by. They're lying on her bed, head resting on chest, hand caressing hair, tears long subdued. Yet, he takes his time. It's not about a necessity he might possess of knowing, rather it's about him showing her that, desiring she, he's one she can confide in.  
"Chuck?"  
"Hmm?"  
"Ask me to tell you something real."  
"Sarah, it's okay. There's nothing you need to.."  
"Chuck, just, please... Ask me". He can't see her eyes, but can feel her pleading and so he humors her.  
"Sarah Walker, will do me the honor of sharing with me something about the non-spy you?"  
"I have a dog. I call him Chewie ever since you've showed me those silly Star Wars movies." He tries not to laugh, really tries. Of all the things she could've told him and that's it? Besides, Chewie? "God, I wanna marry this girl!".  
"Really? Chewie? Seems like a Morgan-thing to do and, yes, a me-thing.. Didn't know you had it in you, though. Be careful, Sarah, or you might turn into a real nerd." That leaves her silently laughing too and that sound's the greatest gift he's ever been given.  
"Hey! Don't mock me. I'm serious.. He's got the cutest brown hair that falls over his eyes.. He reminds me of Chewie.. So, I call him that. He does love to chew my shoes, socks and pretty much anything he can find.. I guess it's a nickname more fitting than intended."  
"Okay, okay.. So, this Chewie little guy, what's he like, if I may ask? Is he a co-pilot or something in a NASA mission?"  
"My Chewie? A co-pilot? Best joke you've made to date, Chuck! I'm telling you.. he's terrified beyond belief of height.. Actually, when I want him to calm down or give me back a sock I simply hold him up high near a window."  
"Now you're just being cruel! It's just a puppy!"  
"Hey! I'd like to hear you say that after he ran far off with.. let's say.. your Chuck Taylors.."  
"Fair point. I'll give you that." Chuck liked animals but he's not actually obsessed about them, like he's starting to suspect Sarah might be. Even then, seeing her now wholeheartedly telling him these bits and pieces and smiling in great contrast of a few hours ago, it all just made his heart overflow with joy.  
"You're saying those things, but I don't know.. Seems to me you really like him."  
"No."  
"No? But.."  
"I love him, Chuck. He's like a son to me. A son I barely ever see, he lives with my mom for obvious reasons, but a son nonetheless."  
"Oh.. I've never heard you talking about love like this.."  
"You know how people say 'through sickness and health..'?"  
"Uh, yes...?"  
"Well.. don't laugh!"  
"Won't. I promise."  
"I say 'through biting and licking..'"  
"What? That's just.. that's cheesy beyond me and I'm the king of cheesy!". He cries so badly he laughs.  
"Hey! You said you wouldn't laugh!" She smacks him lightly on the chest she's still lying on.  
"Sorry, sorry. This coming from you.. not that there's nothing wrong with you.. I mean, it was unexpected. And I'm a little bit jealous now.. I have to meet this puppy! That's it.. I wanna see what's so great about.."  
It's only then that Chuck feels silent tears soaking his shirt.  
"Talk to me, Sarah.. Did I say something wrong? Is there anything.."  
"He died yesterday. Chewie. He suffered an anaphylactic shock and didn't, couldn't.. and I wasn't even there.. and.."  
"Hey, hey! I'm so sorry.. It's okay.. You can cry. You don't have to be so strong all the time. It's okay. I'm not gonna say I know what you're feeling right now, but I can lay here as long as it takes and cry with you."  
She honestly doesn't really have many tears left and her head aches and feels heavy after a poorly slept night. She closes her eyes finally, the warm embrace more calming than a lullaby. Less than an hour later, Sarah wakes and Chuck can tell she's calmer, lighter.  
"Chuck?"  
"I'm here."  
"I don't wanna lose you."  
"I regret to inform you, but you couldn't lose me if you tried.. I can be worse than a flea when it comes to you."  
"I don't meant it like that.."  
"Then what? What are you saying?"  
"What I've always wanted to say, Chuck. I'm hurting now, but I can at least be thankful for the years I had him with me.." She rises and shifts so she's looking him in the eyes.  
"And.. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't wanna be so worried about what might happen, rules, or what others may think that it keeps me from actually living and doing what I really want... to.."  
He gulps and asks. He asks because now he needs to hear and, quite frankly, she needs to say it.  
"What is it that you want, Sarah?"  
"I want you to know that.. had it been you.. I don't even know how I'd be right now, because you mean much.. much more to me. And Chewie meant, means, a lot to me." He keeps staring at her expectantly and unsure.  
"What I want, Chuck.. is to say that I wanna be with you... and that I love you, like never before."

_Now all I have_  
_Are the ones that I'm with_  
_And you taught me not_  
_To take for granted_  
_The time that we have_  
_To show that we care_  
_Speak into their minds_  
_And their hearts_  
_While they're here_  
_And say I love you  
_(Disciple – Things Left Unsaid)

**A/N: Hi, this very short fictional story is inspired on a real one. It's been less than a day that I lost my little son, that yes, I call Chewie.. and well, I wanted to share with you this message:** **we might not always be able to prevent death but we can dictate life.. Losing someone hurts so much I wouldn't be able to wish that for the person I despise the most.** **But what I've learned is the pain becomes unbearable when we look back and the regrets are the first things popping into your mind.**  
**Anyway.. I apologize for whatever you might find wrong in this story. I'm hoping, though, that you can relate to it somehow. I would have liked to write more and with more details, but well.. another time maybe.  
**


End file.
